


Listen to Your Father When He Advises You on Foreign Policy

by ilovemybrick



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10073624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovemybrick/pseuds/ilovemybrick
Summary: When George Washington left office, he told America not to get too involved with other nations. That didn't last.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the Hetalia Kink Meme on Livejournal waaaay back in 2011 (God, this sentence makes me feel old)- the prompt was something to do with George Washington's Farewell Address and Washington coming back to lecture America about ignoring it. I'm not really in the fandom anymore, but I came across this fic on an old memory stick and figured, what the hell, I'll throw it up on AO3. Hopefully someone out there enjoys it.

1796  
The night before the letter is published, America visits President Washington at his mansion in New York City. They meet in his office. Washington finished pouring himself a drink and turned around to see America slumped in an armchair, eyes downcast. He took a sip of his drink and smiled fondly at his country. “Why the long face, son?”

America sighed. “I don’t know what to do without you. I mean, obviously you can’t be President forever, ‘cause then you’d be a King not a President, and I think we’ve had enough of kings here, and you can’t live forever, not even countries live forever, some of them live a really long time though, I mean England’s probably older than dirt, that’s probably why he’s so cranky, and-“

“America, you’re babbling.”

“Sorry.”

“Cheer up son; you’ll be fine without me. Now, I want you to listen well, because this is important. You are an independent country and you can rule yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t get too friendly with other nations. They’ll try to tell you how to run your life and you’ll get dragged into their wars and it’ll all get very messy.”

America frowned. “So, I should ignore them?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. Talk to them, trade with them, be courteous to them, just don’t get too close to them. Besides, why would you want to be friends with the Europeans? When they’re not at war with each other they’re thinking about going to war with each other. They probably all have herpes as well.”

“...what’s herpes?”

“You’ll understand when you’re older. Make sure you follow my advice. If I find out later that you’re gallivanting around with loose nations like France and...France, I will not be happy. And I will find out. You understand me?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Now give me a hug.”

 

* * *

  
America followed his advice. For a while, anyway. Apart from that little spat with England (and really, burning down the White House was uncalled for. It was practically new! All he did was try to invade Canada. No need to get pissy about it.) and that thing with Spain later on, he managed to avoid getting involved in one of those military free-for-alls that sprung up in Europe every so often. Even when he did eventually get involved, well, he was attacked first! He was totally justified in defending himself.

He started actively disobeying Washington after WW2. He was the hero of the Free World, after all, and a hero couldn’t hole himself up and ignore the world, could he? No, he had to get out there and spread his heroness around! If he didn’t, well, the rest of the world might turn into commies like Russia. He had to ignore Washington, in the name of Justice and Liberty!

That was when America started to take control of every World Meeting, bouncing around with happy enthusiasm while he revealed his latest idea for fixing the world’s problems. He was young and passionate and if the others thought his ideas were stupid and he was meddling where it didn’t concern him, well, they just didn’t realise how awesome he was! During that overblown staring contest with Russia he bonded with England over music of all things which led to trips to the nearest bar with him after meetings (man, England was a weepy drunk.). After a while they were joined by Canada and Australia and France and some of the other Europeans, and when Prussia stopped being a commie he’d randomly show up and bully Germany into buying him drinks (France would have bought him drinks, but France assumed that he was free to grope Prussia as much as he wanted in return, and America didn’t think Prussia was that desperate for a drink.).

And yeah, maybe America felt kinda guilty about disobeying the guy who was to all intents and purposes his father, but well, there was nothing he could do about it was there?

 

* * *

  
America thought the last meeting went pretty well. His latest scheme for fixing global warming by covering the polar ice caps with cling film wasn’t immediately shot down (it may have helped that England was too busy arguing with France about his scones to object, and Italy was distracting Germany by repeatedly poking him and whining “Germanyyy, when can I have some pasta? It’s nearly siesta time, can we go home now?”), Japan invited him over to play video games next week and he even managed to remember Canada most of the time. So, as he made his way home from the meeting he was feeling pretty good.

As he neared his house he noticed that the lights were on. Huh. He could have sworn he’d switched them off this morning. He made to put his key in the lock but the door swung open before he had a chance. “Uh, hello? Is someone there?” No answer. Instead, the living room door creaked open slowly on its own. America was officially creeped out now. He tried to remember what Japan had told him about ninjas. Did he yell before or after he chopped the opponent’s head off? Did that even work on invisible door-openers? He crept slowly and almost silently to the living room entrance. So far so good. He paused for a second, then with a “Hiyaa!” he leapt through the doorway and...fell on his face.

“Are you alright, son?”

America froze. That voice...he scrambled up from the floor and rushed in the direction of the voice. There, standing by the fireplace, was a man America had never expected to see again.

“G-general Washington? What...how?”

“Hello, America” Washington said pleasantly. “I think it’s time we had a little chat, don’t you?”

 

“I have been travelling through the mystical veils of time and space-“

  
“In a TARDIS?”

  
“A what?”

  
“A TARDIS. Like in one of England’s shows. Hey, is it really bigger on the inside?”

  
“America, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Kindly stop interrupting me and let me finish speaking.”

  
“Sorry, sir.”

  
“As I was saying, I have been travelling through time and space, and upon coming to this time I have been disturbed by what I have seen of your conduct. Do you by any chance remember that talk I had with you? About the Europeans?”

“Yes sir.”

“What did I tell you about the Europeans?"

“...you said not to be friends with them because I’ll be dragged into wars with them. And they have herpes.”

“Yes, and what do you do? I tell you not to get too friendly and instead you make treaties with any country with a smile and a kind word for you.”

America fidgeted. “Well I did stay away from them, but they didn’t seem so bad-“

“And look where your naivete has gotten you! During the last century you have been involved in wars which had nothing to do with you. Wars which have cost you and your people dearly!”

“Well, I’m a hero, so-“

“America, being a hero does not excuse any mistakes you make.”

“Well, I know that...look, things are different from when you were still around! We can’t be isolated anymore, that’s not how it works, everyone’s connected now-“

“Yes, and because of that the world is in a recession and they blame you!” Washington snapped. America watched him pace, feeling like he was about to die of shame. Somehow, when he imagined meeting Washington again he hadn’t expected him to be so...disappointed in him.

“Look, I had my reasons, okay?” he cut in. Washington stopped pacing and folded his arms “What were they then, America?” he said bitingly. “I’m waiting.”

America shifted uncomfortably. “Well first of all, I never intended to join those wars. And anyway, I was one of the good guys! I mean, if the other guys won the whole world might’ve ended up fascist and heroes can’t be fascists, that’s probably in the Justice League Code of Conduct somewhere, by the way I’m still waiting to hear back from them about my membership application-“

“America, you’re babbling.”

“Sorry. Basically, I thought I was doing the right thing. And anyway, I did stop talking to them after the first war.”

“So why didn’t you do the same thing after the second one?”

  
“Well, after the war Russia turned lots of countries into commies, so I had to get out there and show people how awesome democracy is. Because it is. Awesome, I mean. And then my bosses wanted me to be friends with Europe so that they’d stay on our side and...I was kinda lonely.”

Washington stared. “You were lonely?”

America sighed. “A little. Being on your own is overrated. Look, I know you said not to get involved with the others, but...getting involved with them is kinda fun! I mean, not the wars, they kinda suck, but...going out with them and watching England snark at France and listening to Prussia go on about how he’s way more awesome than Chuck Norris and watching movies with Canada...I’d miss it, y’know? It’s like I’m a part of something big and if I was on my own again I’d be missing out.”

Washington said nothing, but his posture was more relaxed than before. America looked directly at him and said seriously “I just need you to trust me. I know you worry about me but I’ll be fine. Things will get better, they always do but this time I can’t fix things on my own. That’s why I need the others. When I’m with them I don’t have to worry so much about being the hero, ‘cause I know I have backup, y’know?”

Washington smiled faintly. “I do trust you. It’s difficult not to worry though. I still feel somewhat responsible for you.” He came over to where America was sitting and ruffled his hair. “You’ve grown so big” he said fondly.

America blushed and smiled. “I know I’m not doing what you said I should be doing, but uh, I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me. So. Thank you.”

“You’re most welcome. It wasn’t just me though.”

“And if any of the other Founding Fathers appear in my living room, I’ll thank them as well. Maybe Ben, he’d love it here. Say, what’s he up to in the afterlife?”

“...let’s just say he’s happy.”

“Oh. Oh. So, uh, when do you have to leave?”

“I should really be on my way.”

“Okay. Can I have a hug before you go?”

Washington laughed. “Come here, son.”

 

* * *

 

  
The other nations were confused. America had been acting strange all meeting. He had shown up on time and spent the entire meeting sitting quietly in his chair, a sad smile on his face. He listened to everyone’s speeches, even Russia’s, and didn’t monopolise the meeting with his usual crazy “solutions”. It was all a bit unnerving.

  
“What’s up with America?”

“Dunno, maybe he ate a bad hamburger or something.”

“Hamburgers originated in me, you know!”

“Shut up Korea. Russia, you didn’t do that thing with the pipe again, did you? Because I thought we discussed this...”

“But then he would not be smiling, yes~?”

“Ve, maybe pasta will cheer him up!”

“Maybe he’d like to buy Volume 3?”

“Spain, he, like, already has Volume 3. Two copies, in fact.”

“He’s probably sick, aru.”

“What, the guy who doesn’t know what a cold is, sick?”

“This speculation is pointless. England, go talk to America.”

“What? Why me? I’m busy!”

“Throttling France does not count as “busy”, England. Besides, America listens to you. Sometimes, anyway.”

“Well, why can’t Canada do it?”

“Who?”

“...nevermind. I’ll do it.”

England gave a put-upon sigh and made his way towards where America was staring dreamily into space. France followed once he was able to breathe. England whacked the back of America’s head.

“Hey! What was that for?!”

“Getting your attention.” England said bluntly. “What’s the matter with you? You’ve been acting strange all day.”

“Huh? I’m fine, never been better. I was talking to Washington and he doesn’t hate me for ignoring what he said and-“

“Wait, what?” England interrupted. “You were talking to Washington? As in your state?”

America laughed. “No, silly. As in George Washington. Perhaps you’ve heard of him? The guy who kicked your ass all the way back to London?”

France looked nonplussed. “You were talking to your dead president?”

“Yep, he came to visit me last night and he yelled at me but then he forgave me for getting involved with you guys even though you all have herpes-“

“I _beg_ your pardon?!”

“Aww, don’t feel bad about it England, I’m sure there are pills and stuff you can take for it.” America said cheerfully while France snickered and England spluttered in rage. “Well, it’s been nice talking to you guys, but I gotta run. Gotta see if there’s anymore dead Presidents in my house.” On that note America left, waving merrily at everyone he passed.

England and France looked at each other, for once in perfect agreement. “And he thinks _we’re_ mad.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Notes  
> \- The White House wasn’t completed until 1800, so Washington occupied two executive mansions in NYC during his Presidency; the Samuel Osgood mansion at 3 Cherry Street (April 1789 – February 1790), and the Alexander Macomb mansion at 39–41 Broadway (February – August 1790) (ganked from Wikipedia).  
> \- “The little spat with England” refers to the War of 1812 and “The thing with Spain” is the Spanish-American War of 1898.
> 
> \- “Ben” is Benjamin Franklin, printer, author, scientist, musician, inventor, diplomat, revolutionary and all-round ladies’ man.
> 
> -The "Spain hard selling Volume 3" thing was a fandom meme when this fic was originally written, no idea if that's still a thing now.
> 
> \- Formatting is hard.


End file.
